All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
