i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
