hell yes lets make some ravioli
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
