I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
