You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
