Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
