I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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