Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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