also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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