i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
