i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
