Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
