Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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