I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
