I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
