we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize