I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
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I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
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Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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