just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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