Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
