I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
