too bad you live with your parents still
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
