omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
