Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
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I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
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If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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