Midget sex pt 2 tonight
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
