therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
two words...techno handjob
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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