I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
