Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
