Just cropdusted the office
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
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he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
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You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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