Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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