I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
