so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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