Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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