can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it