Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
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Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
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I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees