I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.