It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
