Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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