I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
