that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
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