My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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