he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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