fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
