Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
