Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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