He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
