i think my mom watched the whole time
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
