we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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