remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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