Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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