Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
