yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
