I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
