by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
