Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
