once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
They are going to name an STD after you.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
