Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
