I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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