Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
