You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
