so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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