we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
They have beer where we have blood.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
