Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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