so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
