No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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